I was buying too much useless shit so I decided to make my most significant purchase to date, long live ❌⭕
And it’s true that you could snap my neck,
but I trust you’ll save my life instead,
‘cause our love is a loyalty sworn.
If we hold to our hope
then I know we can weather the storm,
whatever they say.
Come what may.
in other news i’m just about to go out for dinner, it’s freezing cold aswell and i love it, i was made for winter.
retrospectively speaking….
until sunday i was living in this big apartment in north strathfield all alone and it was great, i mean it’s still great and my new room mate is pretty cool. yesterday afternoon he had a friend over who was youtubing some old punk bank ‘as friends rust’ (i think they’re punk, maybe post-hardcore idc whatever) i’d never heard of them, he listened to a song called home is where the heartaches and later i started thinking, i feel a lot happier when i’m not at home, i feel like a completely different person, i feel like i used to feel, and i hate it, i wish i could combine both worlds and feel like i do here and be as outgoing and social and just appreciate everything as much as i do in sydney as i do in newcastle, but when i’m in newcastle i just feel.. shit.
i wouldn’t be surprised if it was my own doing though, the way i treated people, my friends, best friends, lovers, was just, bad, i was always too self-absorbed to see just how bad it was aswell, i just figured oh it’s fine, i can do what i want, and the games i would play to fuel my low self-esteem, taking complete disregard for everyone else’s feelings just so i would selfishly feel better, even for a night.
i think this is why i feel shit when i’m home, because i just fall straight back into that hole, i feel like a shit person that doesn’t deserve friends. if i had another chance i would have done things differently, but in the end i love where i am at now. i never really knew what it was like to have not just 2 or 3 best friends but a whole large group of really close friends who are always social and actively WANT to include you, sometimes it’s overwhelming, from being such an anti-social, introverted person my entire teenage years to appreciating my friends and feeling appreciated by them.
ultimately i’d like to use this post as a broad sorry note, but i only have like 20 followers, so it’s more like writing to my diary or something gay like that.
